Open-Minded Skepticism in Couples Therapy (aka: 'We’re Here, but We’re Not Buying the Matching T-Shirts Yet')

As a certified Gottman therapist, I’ve seen couples come into therapy in all kinds of states: hopeful, furious, mildly confused, or showing up like they accidentally wandered in on the way to brunch.

But one of my favorite vibes?

Open-minded skepticism.
It’s the emotional equivalent of crossing your arms and leaning in at the same time.

You’re not sure therapy will help—but hey, you’re here. That’s something. You’ve got one eyebrow raised, but you haven’t bolted for the parking lot. I like to call that progress.

“We’ve Tried Everything. Except This. And We’re Not Convinced.”

You’d be surprised how many couples begin with a version of this sentence. Sometimes one person is all-in, nodding earnestly, while the other is sitting back like they’re reviewing the Yelp page of my soul.

• “So, what exactly are we doing here?”

• “Just so you know, I’m not into touchy-feely stuff.”

• “I don’t believe in ‘communication styles.’ We just fight like normal people.”

Honestly? I love this. Skepticism means you’ve been thinking. It means you’re not here to fake it. And that’s perfect, because therapy isn’t about handing out gold stars for pretending to be okay.

Therapy Isn’t a Spa Day. (But You Will Leave Feeling Emotionally Exfoliated.)

Some folks arrive expecting a cozy chat about feelings. Others expect a referee with a whistle, ready to shout, “Unacceptable tone! That’s a ten-minute time-out, Kevin!”

But Gottman Method therapy is neither couples massage nor Judge Judy. It’s science-based, data-driven, emotionally attuned, and—believe it or not—kind of a nerdy process.

Yes, I will probably ask about your last fight in painful detail.
Yes, we might time your ratio of kind to critical comments.
No, I’m not here to “fix” your partner. (I know, that’s disappointing.)

What we are here to do is help you build a relationship that can withstand stress, conflict, and the eternal mystery of why one of you never replaces the toilet paper roll correctly.

“This Feels Weird.” Yes. Welcome.

If you’re feeling skeptical, that probably means you’re still in your right mind. Most people don’t spend their Tuesdays analyzing the way they express bids for connection or timing their heart rate during conflict.

Therapy feels weird at first because it’s different. But different isn’t bad. It’s just...new. Like eating kale for the first time or updating your phone’s software without immediately regretting it.

Being open-minded doesn’t mean you have to believe everything instantly. You can roll your eyes a little. I’ll still take notes and gently invite you to try a repair attempt that doesn’t start with “I guess I’m sorry you’re so sensitive.”

For the Record, I’m a Skeptic Too

As a Gottman therapist, I don’t believe in unicorns, mind-reading, or solving your marriage with a single inspirational quote. I believe in research, nuance, and the fact that even good couples sometimes want to strangle each other over how the dishwasher is loaded.

What I love about the skeptical-but-open-minded couple is that they’re real. They’re not just here to tick a box. They want to actually understand what’s happening in their relationship—and they’re just cautious enough to not fall for fluff.

Some Signs You’re a Beautifully Skeptical Couple:

• You agreed to therapy with a sentence like “Well, it can’t hurt... unless it does.”

• You sit slightly apart on the couch, but still made sure the other person had water.

• You’ve googled “how to know if couples therapy is working”... on the way to your second session.

• You’re not here for kumbaya—but you are secretly hoping for fewer silent dinners.

So, What Now?

If you're a little unsure but curious, you're exactly who this process is made for. You're not expected to walk in here fully on board. You're expected to be human.

And if nothing else, you’ll leave therapy with:

• A better understanding of why you fight the way you fight.

• Concrete tools that sound boring but actually work (hello, softened startup).

• A shared sense that your relationship deserves real attention, even if it still includes debates over thermostat settings.

So yes, keep your healthy skepticism. Bring it right into the room. I promise, we don’t require singing circles or mandatory hugging. Just curiosity, courage, and maybe a small willingness to say:

“Okay, that was actually helpful. But I’m still not calling it a breakthrough. Yet.”

TL;DR: You can totally be skeptical and still benefit from therapy. You don’t have to believe in magic—you just have to believe in trying.

And if you ever decide to believe in matching “Team Gottman” T-shirts? I’ll be here for that too.